“Why are we bringing it back?” asked Bishop Nicholas A. DiMarzio of Brooklyn, who has embraced the move. “Because there is sin in the world.”
"And cash," he added, "buttloads of cash."
You cannot buy one — the church outlawed the sale of indulgences in 1857 — but charitable contributions, combined with other acts, can help you earn one.
Well, ok, not cash. But all of the things that cash can buy.
According to church teaching, even after sinners are absolved in the confessional and say their Our Fathers or Hail Marys as penance, they still face punishment after death, in Purgatory before they can enter heaven. In exchange for certain prayers, devotions or pilgrimages in special years, a Catholic can receive an indulgence, which reduces or erases that punishment instantly, with no formal ceremony or sacrament.
I love how absolutely no construct of man can escape red tape, bureaucracy, and loopholes.
There is a limit of one plenary indulgence per sinner per day.
So act now! Supplies are limited! Indulgences at these low low prices can't last long. Indulge before noon tomorrow, and get two weeks off Purgatory for the price of one!
Among liberal Catholic theologians, the return of the indulgence seems to be more of a curiosity than a cause for alarm. “Personally, I think we’re beyond the time when indulgences mean very much,” said the Rev. Richard P. McBrien, a professor of theology at the University of Notre Dame who supports the ordination of women and the right of priests to marry.
Sure sucks for those poor bastards who paid so much money to the church before 1857.
Octavia Andrade, 64, a retired secretary, laughed as she recalled a time when children would race through the rosary repeatedly to get as many indulgences as they could — usually in increments of 5 or 10 years — “as if we needed them, then.”
I don't know, depends on how many years you get for lustful thoughts. At that age, they were probably just barely treading water, Purgatory-time-wise.
Still, she supports their reintroduction. “Anything old coming back, I’m in favor of it,” she said. “More fervor is a good thing.”
I can't possibly see how that could be a bad thing. I hear the Inquisition involved quite a lot of fervor. I wonder where the Crusades fall on the ferver-o-meter.
"I mean, I’m not saying it is necessarily wrong,” she said. “But I had always figured theywere going to let this fade into the background, to be honest. What does it mean to get ‘time off’ in Purgatory? What is ‘five years’ in terms of eternity?”
Kind of depends on what's playing on the TV in reception, doesn't it?
The BBC has an article comparing the differences between men and women and sleeping together and alone. Apparently men fare better alone (stress, cognitive ability) than with a partner. They used eight couples in the study - hey, that's statistically significant!
But it does make me think - although we were mocking them, apparently Rob and Laura Petrie had it right all along. Who knew? (I can only assume that Ward and June had the same configuration... maybe that's how Ward was able to handle Beav.)
This post requires a bit of background, which I admit is not really on this web site. Here are the two most salient details.
First, I started an improvisational comedy group in 2006 in Sheffield. I act as the artistic director. It's been extremely successful, and over the past year (during term time, the group is primarily comprised of students) we've put on shows on pretty much a weekly basis.
Second, the Edinburgh Festival Fringe is a the largest arts festival in the world. It's particularly known for it's comedy - this is the place for new comedy.
What do these two facts have in common? Well, the Shrimps (Sheffield Imps!) are performing at the Fringe this year for two weeks, and it's quite an experience!
A friend of mine got a new Mac not too long ago, and he asked me what essential programs he should get. Of course I pointed to useful apps like Butler, but I was criminally negligent in not mentioning a program that goes back many, many years - Jared, butcher of song.
Pretty much the most indispensable application I can think of. I just learned that Jared will be coming to the iPhone. Of course he will be coming to the iPhone. It's why the iPhone was invented - to allow Jared to go on the road.
Naturally, I've shared Jared with my friends. Here are a few extremely grateful comments I've received:
Why would you do that to me? What did I ever do to you?? -- Kate
I had systematically killed the brain cells that remembered Jared. You are now responsible for killing two parts of my brain. I hope you can sleep at night. -- Louis
George Carlin was a legend in his own time, which is amazing since that time spanned decades. The sheer volume of his comedic output was only surpassed by his incredible humour. He was rude, crude, and he had an amazing ability to strip hypocrisy and pretension away from the institutions that needed it most. Some people say that you lose your creativity by the time you reach 35, that the best art and comedy belong to the young. George Carlin proves that idea wrong. Or, as he would say, "That's bullshit, man!"
The first stand-up comedy album I ever owned was Carlin's 1981 A Place For My Stuff (it was a cassette, actually!). I listened to it countless times to the point where I'd had it memorised. I started dipping my toes into the world of drama back in high school. Back then, I was only interested in stage as a means to do comedy (as if that's changed). I participated in a monologue competition in my senior year, and I chose George Carlin's material to perform. I joined together Icebox Man and Fussy Eater, both off that album.
Cedar Rapids is apparently undergoing a lot of flooding. Here's what the County Sheriff had to say:
"We're just kind of at God's mercy right now, so hopefully people that never prayed before this, it might be a good time to start," Linn County Sheriff Don Zeller said. "We're going to need a lot of prayers and people are going to need a lot of patience and understanding."
I can just imagine his incredulous Deputy Sheriff saying, "Uhh, Don? Prayers, yeah, that's great. How about we call FEMA?"
"Damn, I knew there was something I forgot. There's a house that's about to be completely submerged -- let me get through another twenty 'Hail Marys', and I'll get right on it."
Ah... I see you have been admiring the small marble statue of the ferret on the mantle. You have very discriminating taste. But you were not supposed to have noticed it, in fact, Maxwell was to have had it removed before you arrived. He will be beaten severely for his... slight. No matter, that's no concern of yours. I suggest that you forget what you have seen. It will be better for you. Please do not take that as a threat; I am merely concerned for your welfare. Would you care for some tea?
